Every one of us has wished to change: to live more peacefully, more healthily, more capably. But where does real change come from? This essay tells the story of a butterfly and an egg, to help you understand the Principle of Transformation: all lasting growth begins from within.
The cocoon we each live in
Each of us lives inside a cocoon of our own: habits, fears, old beliefs. The cocoon once protected us, but there comes a time when it becomes a limit. To fly, we must open the cocoon ourselves.
The boy and the butterfly
There is a story of a little boy watching a butterfly struggle to get out of its cocoon. The butterfly struggled for a long time, working very hard. Feeling sorry for it, the boy took scissors and cut the cocoon open. The butterfly came out easily — but its wings were small and weak, and it was never able to fly.
The boy did not know that those very struggles push fluid from the butterfly’s body into its wings, giving them the strength to fly. His help, though it came from love, was not the help the butterfly needed.
No one can open the cocoon for us. Today’s efforts become tomorrow’s wings.
The egg: opened from outside or from within
An egg can open in two ways. If the shell is broken from the outside, the life inside is not yet ready, and the egg becomes only food. If the shell cracks from the inside, a new life is born.
People are the same. When we change only because we are pushed from outside, the change is often fragile and easily slips back. When we choose to grow from within, the change becomes part of who we are.
Two paths of transformation
Looking at life, we see two paths that lead people to transform:
- The path of pain: when the pain is great enough, or when we lose something precious, we are forced to change. This path works, but it brings many tears.
- The path of love: we change because we love ourselves, love our family, love the people we serve. We do not need to wait for pain to knock at the door.
The Principle of Transformation invites us to choose the second path: to transform through love. Out of love for ourselves, we care for body and mind. Out of love for our family, we learn to speak gently. Out of love for our organization, we grow our abilities. Out of love for society, we live a little more kindly each day.
A gentle reminder for parents
The story of the butterfly is a gentle reminder for parents. Because we love our children, it is easy to do things for them: tying their shoes, solving their homework, settling their quarrels with friends. These things make their day easier, but they may weaken their wings.
- Walk beside them instead of doing it for them: sit next to your child and ask what they have tried so far.
- Trust their strength: give your child time to struggle, like the butterfly in its cocoon.
- Recognize effort: praise your child for trying, not only for results.
The day I stopped asking “Where’s the money?”
In the past, I often heard people around me joke that whenever you want to start anything, the first question is always, “Where’s the money?” I heard it so often that it became normal, and the fear of not having enough money or resources became something that kept me from many of my dreams. I wanted to study abroad, but feared I could not afford it. I wanted to start a project, but feared I did not have enough people or means.
Then I came to learn with my Teachers. They helped me see that helping people become more aware is a beautiful dream, one that deserves to be realized as soon as possible. The more I learned and treasured this knowledge, the more my wish grew that one day everyone would have this awareness and the life they wish for.
I decided to do things differently from what I had always done. I stopped thinking about how much money I needed before I could begin. I decided to start right away, treasuring every moment life gave me. I met people who were meant to cross my path and shared with them what I had learned. I wrote books and stories to share with more people, in more settings. And one day, I decided to create Chuyện Bên Mâm Cơm — a space where people walk together, so that one day everyone may reach the life they wish for.
Practice for today
- Name one cocoon you are living in right now.
- Write down the person or thing you love enough to want to step out of that cocoon.
- Choose one small “struggle” for today: something a little difficult that you do yourself, without asking anyone to do it for you.
Reflection question: For the love of whom am I willing to grow a little today?
Frequently asked questions
How is transformation different from change?
Change can come from outside and easily slips back. Transformation is change from within, which becomes part of the new person we are.
So should we help others at all?
Yes — but help in ways that nourish their strength: walk beside them, offer suggestions, trust them. Avoid doing for them what they need to go through themselves in order to grow.
Do we have to suffer in order to grow?
Not necessarily. Pain is one path, but love is a gentler one. We can choose to transform before pain comes looking for us.
Where does transformation begin?
With awareness. When we realize we are in a cocoon, we have already taken the first step. The essay on self-limiting beliefs names the six cocoons we most often meet.
This essay is an English rendering of the original Vietnamese article on Chuyện Bên Mâm Cơm.